What began as simply processing my thoughts and feelings after losing our foster boys almost a year ago turned into a book draft. I have no idea what to call it, but it honestly stemmed from a conversation I had with my wife Sherry during the trial when we lost the boys. I said something to the effect that, “If this case were a child, someone would need to call CPS on the kid. Wait … that means someone would need to call CPS on CPS.” I ran with that as the title for a bit but realized that it sounds like just another person grumbling and whining, and I wanted to offer some sort of hope and process for the sake of kids by sharing our experience–good and bad, beautiful and ugly.
I have the book out in a few people’s hands but am willing to share with more if they are willing to give some feedback as to what kind of audience would benefit. Honestly, if it’s no one, then that’s what it is! But if others can benefit–particularly kids, I would love to share and have you help!
Here’s the current table of contents so you can let me know!
A Foster Dad’s Curious Journey through the World of “the System”
- Introduction
- CPS is not a person.
- A Mandated Report
- Knowing Enough to Be Dangerous: Context
- Credentials Enough to be Trouble
- First-Born, Middle Child
- We Will Never Become Foster Parents
- Foster Only
- Our Foster Journey: The Story
- Our Foster Kiddos
- Kai’s Arrival and First Week
- Teddy Made Three
- Just the Seven of Us
- A Unique Oxymoron: The Resource Family
- The process to become a resource family
- Telling Friends …
- #notmyfamily
- List of Questions to ask Yourself Before Sharing with Others
- People who get it, people who think they do, and people who are just curious
- He Has Been Known to Kill Small Animals: Receiving Calls to Foster
- How to Say No?
- Questions to ask before accepting a placement
- DIY YouTube Videos and the Foster Parent Groupon: Parent Training
- The Cloudy Line of Parenting Competency
- Screen Time
- Potential Corporate Involvement in Foster Care
- “Dad, Come Quick, Mom Got Bit”: Therapy & Behavioral Management
- Deeper issues than what behavior manifested
- Workers mean well
- The Child Whisperer and Therapies Used
- Reduced Training
- Moving target in therapy and behavior management
- “It must be like losing a pet”: What People Say
- About Biological Parents
- About the foster kids
- From Foster Parents About Foster Care
- To Foster Families
- Pieces on a Board Game: Understanding the System’s Players
- The System Players
- The Transition Out of Home
- Transitioning to a home
- Services in temporary home
- Schools
- Community
- Who’s on First? Responsibilities & Communication
- Astounding failures
- Stipend
- The little things
- Family advocate
- Unexpected relationships and communication
- Eight Therapists in 18 months: The revolving door of workers
- Funding
- Reporting
- Our Revolving Doors
- Human Pinballs: Location Transitions
- One Person’s Gavel: The Judge(s) and the court system
- Judges
- Lawyers
- Hearings
- Trial
- Other aspects of the court system
- Trial Nuances and Our Absence
- Handouts or Scavenger Hunt? The Welfare System
- History
- Our pre-foster experience
- As Foster Parents
- Whole person caring: is it impossible?
- Staying in the lanes
- Scavenger Hunts
- Padded Walls & Evacuating Rooms: Education
- Preschool
- Kindergarten & IEP
- First grade
- Learning versus Teaching
- Education Reflection
- Forty Hours on the Phone for a Twenty Minute Appointment: Medical Care
- Dental Care
- Car sickness and ER visits
- Fighting for Health
- Insurance
- Frosted Topping & Deep Breathing: Trauma-Informed Care
- Defining Trauma
- Trauma Training
- Rearranging Furniture: Never Satisfied and Ever-Changing
- The last hours with the boys
- Furniture Rearrangement
- Suffering and Responding Well: Now What?
- From Suffering to Responding
- Satisfying Videos and Unsatisfying Process
- Doing Something